Rebooting the reboot of the reboot.

Rebootception.

I think the problem is that I have a problem. Yo-yo dieting at its best. Or worst: you choose. I find myself again asking how in the world I have gotten here.

Back up to about 2003. At 336 pounds, I need to make a change. I can't hardly move, I am sore all the time, I breathe hard walking upstairs. I have serious sleep apnea, suffocating myself every night. I eat anything and everything.

So I join Weight Watchers. I lose 131 pounds. It is plain AWESOME. I find out part way through all of this that I like to exercise, that running is fun. It takes about a year, but in 2004, I'm feeling great. Sleep apnea is gone, I'm feeling great!

Fast forward a few years. I am back into bad habits. Seriously bad habits. Over the years I have gone up and down a few pounds, always a bit more up than down, but up and down. Sleep apnea is back, and I'm as unhealthy as ever.

Now to 2014. I decide to join a weight loss competition at a local rec center. Starting at 302 pounds, I lose 84 pounds. Yet again, it is plain AWESOME. I am healthy, I am stronger than ever, and I actually WIN the competition.

It has only taken 7 months. I am now back up 60 pounds. Why? Well, bad habits.Yet again. I really, really, really like food. In fact, I think that there is an addiction going on. Is there any other reason that I compulsively buy crappy food in the morning, eat all day, feel like crap about it, swear it all off again, and then start all over again?

I am not trying to excuse my terrible decisions. But I think that understanding what is going on may be the best way to help out.

So where do I go from here?

I know that I will always struggle with food. I don't think that this is ever going to go away. But there HAS to be a way to be able to go down, and stay there.

In the end, I think that both times that I have lost significant weight, it has been on rather strict diets, keeping right on the plan with no cheats whatsoever, losing the weight as fast as possible.

There has to be a way to achieve some sort of balance in my life. I know that it exists - a way to, in general, eat way more healthily, while still being able to have some semblance of some of the foods that I like. I know it can be done - my brother has found a way to keep 50-60 pounds off, all while posting all about his dutch oven recipes and desserts.

What is the secret?

I don't yet know. But I do know that if I don't continue looking, I will never find it.

So here's to day zero again. Starting from scratch. Picking up the pieces. And trying yet again to find a lifestyle that works for me.

I hope you will come along.