OW! Ow, ow ow ow.

Also: ouch.

But it helps, they say, so I keep doing it! More physical therapy, in case you hadn't guessed.

It wasn't too bad today, except for one part of my hamstring which was pretty darned sore. But it's all good. I still think things are getting stronger.

Down to 258.7 this morning, which is down two pounds from yesterday, which was only down .2 pounds from last Sunday, but a grand total of three pounds down from last Saturday.

I've been frustrated the past few days. I've been working hard, and actually depriving myself of a certain amount of food (on purpose) to try to get down in weight as quickly as possible before going on the Hawaii trip. I'm usually eating between 1200 (not often that low) and 1700 calories, usually hovering around 1500. I burn around 3,100 if I do no exercise, and I can burn up to 4,000 if I walk for 5 miles.

However, things just don't seem to be working fast enough.

What? I've lost over 40 pounds in two months, and it's not fast enough?

I've decided that I am worrying too much about numbers. Or at least some specific numbers. I'm been so concerned with this short term loss, with 2,000 to 2,500 calories per day deficit, that I haven't taken into account the other variables.

Like not burning as many calories when you lose weight.

Like what happens when your knees don't support running for a while.


Like life.

And like the fact that even though my scale may not be showing the results, I can truly see differences in how  I feel, how I look, and how my clothes fit.

I think I started to get irritated that I'm not burning as many calories anymore. Such as yesterday. There was a celebration at work, and they brought in cupcakes. Not a horrible problem, especially since they were actually rather small cupcakes. But I was getting angry that I couldn't have a cupcake and still get my burn in, unless I did two hours of walking.

I have been starting to lose my focus some, being bitter about what I can't eat, and how the skinny guy in my neighborhood gets to brag about the giant burgers he eats all the time.

Boo-hoo. Cry a little more. And suck it up.

So I am going to start moving my focus a little bit more toward the long term. I am going to focus on some of the basics again. Back to thinking about the water that I'm drinking. Back to making sure I get enough fruits, and even more importantly, vegetables in my diet. Keeping my calorie intake to under 2000 every day, 1700 most days, and 1500 some days.

I don't need to be at 230 when I go on vacation, as long as the mindset that I have is long-term. This isn't a sprint. This isn't even a marathon. This is a way of life. Keeping healthy, keeping active, eating less than I burn...it's the way life needs to be.

What this decisions is telling me is that my best is enough.

And I am at peace with that.

-Silas