Without sounding too much like Willie Nelson...

...I'm on the road again!

Yesterday I did 2.5 miles. Only half running, the other half walking rather quickly, but it's a start. How far have I come from the 5-7 mile runs at any given moment...

But I don't care. I haven't REALLY run in about a year now. Yes, I've done a little training here and there, but not regularly. I'm happy about this. Now that the doc has given me the go-ahead, I'm going ahead.

Enough that if I'm doing well enough by the end of the week, I'm signing up for the same 5K that I've done two years in a row now. (OK, last year I did the 10K, but it's the same run.) I know that I won't be fast, I just want to make sure that the running is going to happen.

I loved being in extrememly good shape. There was a time for a few months (during the height of my marathon training) that my resting heart rate was around 50. I could do ANYTHING. Any time I asked my body to do something, it did so, with gusto and excitement.

Now, it's back to the laziness. It's back to seriously huffing and puffing over half a mile at a time.

And yet...

After paying attention to my body signals yesterday, I felt a small spark. I felt my body telling me that although it was tired, it wasn't really having fun at this (I was! Really! It was my legs and lungs complaining!), it was asking me to continue. It's like it was telling me that it misses that healthiness as much as I do. It WANTS to do the running.

So...unlike in the past, I'm going to listen. Where this is going to lead, I don't know. For now, it's the 5K. Then, a 10K. After that...

On the long roadmap, I'm looking at the HALF marathon. I don't know if my knees are ever going to be able to do the marathon. Possibly, yes, but for now, I'm going to keep that one on the "cross that bridge when I get there" list.

So have a great day.

-Silas

Doctor Who?

No, not the show.

I went to see a doctor yesterday. It's interesting trying to find a doctor when your old one moves out of the state. I called the office where my old doc worked, and they told me that doctor so and so has taken all of his patients. And that it would be fine to see him.

I figured that's as good a way to find a new doc as any.

Turns out I was wrong.

Well, I guess the doctor was fine. He was rather knowledgeable about his business, which is what you really want #1 in a doctor. About my leg - he knew enough to know that it wasn't for him to diagnose. But more on that in a moment.

The reason that I didn't like him was his attitude toward my weight loss. Instead of realizing that I've made as many changes as I can feasibly make in any sort of time span, he told me that I had to "cut out all potatoes, all rice, all refined flour (including white bread), and all refined sugar, including sugary drinks." And cut my calories by 1/3. And that I had to "huff and puff for at least an hour a day most days."

1) I already know this. Should you ever REALLY eat donuts? Chocolate? Probably not. They are not really good for you. But I know myself enough to know that to never again eat even white bread or potatoes or rice is just not going to happen. I'm taking baby steps here, people. In fact, they are rather giant baby steps at times. And I know about the exercise.

2) More than asking me what I'm doing and then basically regurgitating what I had said back at him in a more unrealistic manner, it was his condescending manner that completely turned me off. I came to him asking about my shin so that I can go running again. I told him that up front. And then he goes on to berate me about not exercising.

Maybe I got used to being coddled or something, but I liked my old doctor who realized that I am making as many changes as I can, and that I'm so much healthier now than I was back at 336 pounds. Is it that this new doc missed the entire transformation, and now all he sees is a bit of a relapse? That's fine. Just don't expect me to like it.

Anyway, enough complaining about the doc. More on the leg.

So the problem with my shin is that there is a bumpy tender section. It was a bit like shin splints, but in the entirely wrong place. There is no muscle in this place - just skin over bone. The doc thinks it's a skin condition. Some sort of dermatitis or something. So for now he's referred me to a dermatologist. I'm going to call one this afternoon.

Remember when I told you that Sara is a sympathetic hypocondriac? Well, I used a word that the doc used when I was telling her about the visit. I should have know better - this word scared ME a little. He said that the dermatologist would take a biopsy of the problem spot to find out what it is. The problem is that the word biopsy on ER, Scrubs, and all of the other doctor shows is what they use when they are finding tumors. All it really means is that they take a little bit of tissue and find out what it is made of.

Anyway, things are good. I can start running again, as the shin thing has nothing to do with running. Which makes sense to me, as I used to run at this weight before. I'm going to see where this shin thing goes, but no matter what...

I'm back on the road. Or at least the treadmill.

-Silas

And one more.

So it's a total of 14.5 down now. I'm at 253! That 250 mark, a very psychological border, is getting closer and closer. Hopefully next week. If not, then the week after.

*whew*

Finally it's working again. Finally I have been able to shake off the bad crappy food again. This gives me hope for the rest of my life. I know that I won't be perfect forever. But it's good to know that even if (when?) I get way out of control, it is very possible to get right back under control.

I keep having visions of a 50" widescreen high-def TV. Think that helps out?

You betcha.

I finally have a doctor's appointment on Monday for my leg. Sara is freaking out a little, she is what I like to (affectionately!) call a sympathetic hypocondriac. She wonders if I'm about to die. OK, so that might be a SLIGHT exaggeration, but not by much.

It's just that this bruise should really have gone away by now. Of course, knowing my luck, it will have gone away by then, but one way or the other I'll know what is going on by the end of Monday. Hopefully.

Anyway, have a great day.

-Silas

Where does the time go?

It's funny how fast time flies by when you have an ******* deadline. (All you know is that the word in asterisks is NOT a swear, I did not count the letters, and it starts with a vowel.)

I was going to post yesterday, but frankly I forgot. There is so much to do and so little time.

But I wanted to post today. I'm down ANOTHER pound. Which is weird, because yesterday I was up 1.5. So today is 2.5 down from yesterday.

Yes, I know it all has to do with how much water you have in you at the moment, etc., but it's just plain bizarre how fast and how much things fluxuate.

So it's a total of 13.5 down now. It's working...slowly but surely, it's working.

-Silas

Great weekend.

Last Friday was just plain crazy. I can't remember posting - I don't THINK I did. But either way, it's over.

So I have about a month's worth of work to do, and seven days in which to do it. Status quo.

Weight loss is going well, albeit slower than I would like. I'm now officially at 255. Total of 12.5 pounds down. It's good, but I think I can do better. I could be 2-3 pounds per week easy, I just need to be more strict on what I am doing.

But is this a bad thing? A pound a week down is fine - it's healthy. But I have a couple of events that I'm working towards - I want to be down at LEAST in the low 230s in June, if not the 220s.

At least I'm not up in the 270s, eh? I would be, by now, if I hadn't started things up again. I keep thinking things like that, and it helps.

Yesterday was very hard for some reason. I stayed within points, which is why the scale was down this morning, but I had this nearly irrational craving for a big 'ol calzone. I haven't even THOUGHT of one of those for a couple of years, and yesterday it was driving me crazy. I'm glad that Sara was strong, because we had ham and cheese sandwiches last night instead. (Just a little cheese...it was very strong swiss.) And some baked ruffles. Plus good stuff. Since I hadn't eaten much until dinner, I had the points.

Know what? It was very good, and I don't think that I would have enjoyed the worse food any more, either. It's a mental game that I'm playing right now. On the whole, I'm winning. This is a good thing.

Exercise wise I'm not doing as well, but for a (sadly) good reason. My legs are just not right at the moment. I'm going to have to go have my right shin looked at. There's some sort of herniated muscle or something. It just doesn't feel right. I know that I will just be told to lose weight, but I want to make sure that there isn't something actually wrong.

So it's time to work. Have a great day,

-Silas

The next time...

...I say anything about work not kicking me in the butt, please...

Tell me to shut up.

-Silas

V-Day, and Why I Can't Eat Pizza

Pizza first. I just can't eat it. I found out last night that it is really bad for me. I ate a ton - which didn't matter too much, as I had 30 points left for dinner, and that's a serious amount of pizza - but even when I was full on pizza, I still wanted to keep eating. Other things. It didn't matter.

So while it tastes good, it really doesn't satisfy me.

Good to know.

I'm glad that I had some flex points to use.

So happy V-Day, everyone. This should be a pretty happy day. I always like today - I have some fun things to give to Sara. I know that this holiday is really for her anyway.

Life is good, work is FINALLY not kicking my butt, and I can relax.

For the next two minutes.

-Silas

Anomalies.

I'm glad that I didn't panic yesterday about being up a little in weight. This morning, I'm back at the 256. *whew* :) It's funny how I can intellectually know something, but viscerally, it's just plain nice to see the results.

This morning should be good. I'm entering a phase of my work that I enjoy immensely. There are times that my job is quite crazy, but this is not one of them.

I still have some frustrations about some of the decisions being made, but for now, there isn't anything I can do, so I am going to go about my work. I have way too much pride to do anything else.

So I did another couple of miles on the treadmill last night. I did half of a mile running, trying to get my legs back into shape. It is going to take a while, but it will be worth it in the end.

Time to get to work...

-Silas

And the winner is....

...Me!

156. That's 11.5 pounds down now. It happened on my scale on Saturday morning. I'm up a little since then, but as I know that I fluxuate quite a lot day to day, I'm not upset at all.

There are certain things at work that, whenever I read a certain category of email, make me wish to scream in frustration. But other than that, things are fine. It doesn't matter if someone else (admittedly for non-malicious reasons) is sabotaging my chances of success at my next project - I have other things going on that will forward my career regardless. Thanks, Jenkins -for bringing me along on this ride.

So work has been crazy. I was up until 4:00 AM on Thursday night/Friday morning, and then came back in to work. Hence my lack of posting on Friday. Hopefully it will calm down in the next week or so. We shall see.

Anyway, have a great day. I'm in for a long one :)

-Silas

Yes, the time stamp is correct.

It is currently almost 2:30 in the morning. I am waiting on a guy in another state to send me some information to figure out what a problem is. Not exactly the way I wanted to spend the night :)

But I did choose this life. I did this to myself. I suppose that makes me a masochist, but I just have to keep repeating that to myself. I did this. It was my choice.

Dumbass.

-Silas

Plateau #1 - history.

I hadn't really lost any weight for almost a week (yeah, I know. what a pleateau...) but this morning I finally OFFICIALLY crossed the 10 pound mark. It's funny, because I don't really FEEL different than I did a pound ago...but mentally, it's all good.

10.5 down...47 more to go.

When you put it like that - when you have lost over 1/6 of the total in about three weeks or so (or is it four? Where does the time go...) it makes it seem even that more possible.

*Giant sigh of relief*

-Silas

Why am I doing this...

This is why. Hehehe...OK, not really, but this is what my reward is for getting back to goal AND staying there for at least a year. Yes, there are a myriad of other reasons why I am getting healthy and staying that way. But I have decided that for doing an entire year at goal (however long that takes) is worth a large reward.

No, that's not the exact brand/model I want, it's just the first picture that I ran across. The whole point is that I'm trying to get a list of things to look forward to, along with the other benefits of being thinner.

I decided to do a couple of miles last night on the treadmill. They went very well. I did them while watching 24. I don't know what to think about the leg - there's still the bruisy part, but it doesn't really hurt, and it doesn't seem to change. I guess I should go see a doc, but I can hear it now - lose more weight, and rest it.

I have to NOT rest it to lose the weight. If I DO rest it, the weight comes off slower.

Catch-22?

*shrug*

So I just got off the phone with Altec Lansing's customer service - I sent a pair of headphones back to them for a replacement. Normally they are quite nice, but this guy was Mr. Grumpypants. He was acting rather put out that I would call him up and ask him for his help.

Moron.

Gotta run.

-Silas

OK...now I've calmed down a little.

Is it the normal state of the human being to believe that he/she knows best? It's funny how I came to a snap conclusion based on someone else's decision, which itself was based on information that I do not have.

Am I that conceited to believe that everyone else is an idiot?

Yeah, probably.

Anyway, I've calmed down considerably in the past half hour, especially after talking with an ex-boss for a few minutes. Man, he's good. Kinda wish he was still my boss, but I guess I like my new one too.

There. Now that I've bored you to tears, you can have a nice little nap and be refreshed for what's left of the day. Now don't ever say I never did anything for you.

-Silas

When in doubt...

..go with the boondoggle.

In the interest of not getting Dooced, that's all I'm going to say, other than...

...nope, not even that.

Anyway, I'm at the same weight that I was on Friday. Which is perfect. Every few days I seem to drop another pound or so. Not to mention that my scale only weighs in increments of .5 pounds, so technically I could be down over a half a pound, and due to rounding...

But it doesn't really matter. The fact is that I have been exactly where I want to be on this weight loss journey for over two weeks now, almost three. And with almost 10 pounds down, I'm losing at the rate that I want to.

Not to mention that I haven't really been exercising, due to my leg. So when I can get back on the treadmill and start accruing some serious miles, this is going to kick some serious butt.

Anyway, time to get to work, regardless of...

...nope, not even that.

-Silas

And....another.

Total down: 9.5

What the heck? I mean, I knew that this works, but wow.

Gotta run, I'll be back later.

-Silas

Another half pound.

First of all, I updated my starting weight. Embarassing to have to do that, but there it is.

Notice that I've updated my current weight. Not as embarassing. Down 9 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks?

I'll take it.

Now I just need to avoid that business trip to keep the weight loss going :)

However, it's ironic, because I'm lobbying as hard as I can to GO on the trip, as it would be the best thing for my project.

Personally, I'd rather not.

Professionally, it's the best thing to do.

So I don't know. I'll keep you posted.

-Silas

Yet another day.

I don't know why I feel both apathy toward blogging today, and the compulsive need to do it anyway. This kind of sucks, because that makes for bad posts. But like most good people, I give in to my compulsions...

It's funny how there are things that I KNOW that I seem to want to ignore anyway. I know for a fact that my body has a two-week cycle that it goes on with weight - from high to low back to high is two weeks. So when I gain a small amount of weight in a short amount of time, regardless of how well I've been eating, it makes me want to start to re-evaluate everything that I'm doing. Which I guess is not necessarily a bad thing, but I have to keep reminding myself to not panic.

And this, my friends, is why I should not be allowed to weight myself daily. :)

-Silas

Back to work.

I am not going to post about work yesterday and what happened.

I am also not going to worry about it for now, as there is nothing I can do, and a ton of work to do.

The in-laws left this morning. Sara's most likely on the way right now taking them to the airport. It was fun having them in town. It's very nice to get along with the in-laws.

OK. So I will talk a little about work. But nothing to get me Dooced. I just talked with my boss's boss. It's really nice to have an open door policy that it really open - I can walk in any time that I want to. The conversation went well. I didn't agree with a certain decision was being made, and I just wanted to make sure that the decision was being made with all of the data. I hope that he can see it my way, but if not, at least he had all of the info when he decides.

After that little boring interlude...

Time to go to work.

-Silas

What the heck indeed.

So I'm down about 4 pounds from the last time I posted my weight. I'm officially 259! This is very good - that means that things are finally working again.

I am worried about my leg, though. The giant swollen bruise-like portion just doesn't want to go away. I want to start running, but I want my leg to heal first.

At least seeing the results on the scale make it easier to stay away from the crap food. At the grocery store today it was absolutley no problem. So that's good.

I'm a little paranoid right now, because of work, but I don't really want to write about it. Two reasons:

1) I don't want to get Dooced
2) I don't really know what I feel about it yet.

So time to put my head down and be a good little peon.

Have a great day,

-Silas

What the heck?

Interesting...yesterday ended up being a rather hard day - in the food department. Yes, I ate what I should have, but it was one of those days that I really wanted to go right back to where I was even a couple of weeks ago.

I do remember this fading as time goes on, but it's not faded yet.

So I did three more miles last night, walking rather fast. It felt pretty good, but my shin was a little more sore after than before. I hope that doesn't mean that it's going to get worse when I start running next week...

If it does, I'll have to go to the doc. I'm hoping that that won't be necessary.

So today is going well for food. A can of tomato soup and a couple of sandwiches so far today. Later tonight Sara and I get to go to a movie, as her parents are in town this week. That is going to be a lot of fun...we never get to see movies anymore.

Well, that's enough rambling for now.

-Silas